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:	post by Christraper at 2006-01-05 09:34:27

These are but a few of the things I would accomplish with my abnormally sized tally whacker. Feel free to add more if you feel inspired. You can thank Pam for this.

If I had Elephantitis of the cock I would:

- Beat random children with it.

- Kill Small animals.

- Kill children. Especially ones that arent being watched by their retarded parents in malls and grocery stores.

- Beat my wife at random with it.

- Kill my wife with it. Probably when she's sleeping.

- Stop elevator doors with it.

- Help little old ladies across the street with it.

- Kill little old ladies with it.

- Bang it on the table really hard when I'm trying to make a serious point in an argument.

- Chase retards with it. Beat em, kill em, etc etc.

- Stop a rotating door with it and trap someone in there just to be a dick.

- Play baseball.

- Make copies of it in the xerox machine and leave them on my boss' desk.

- Pretend it's not really there and knock shit off people's tables when I walk past them.

- Hit people in the face with it when I try to get by them in the movie theatre.

- Masturbate in public and laugh the most evil diabolical laugh I can muster while I spray my shit all over random peoples faces.

- Knock on doors with it. Especially my boss'.

- Try to shake people's hands with it when I meet them.

- Stand eight feet from the urinal when I take a piss.

- Try to pick things up with it.

- Tattoo King Diamond's face on the head.

- Name it "The King".

- Tap people on the shoulder with it.

- Bang it on the keyboard, email whatever I "typed" to a friend and tell him what it was later on.

- Direct traffic.

- Try to answer the phone with it.

- Rape nuns.

- Push my grocery cart with it.

- Kill Paris Hilton with it.

- Get it as close to people as I possibly can while Im talking to them. Especially random people I ask for directions.

- Demand anal sex constantly.

- Rule the world.

Thats all I can think of for now.

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