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: post by RustedAngel at 2005-01-21 08:49:44

"It never dawned on me until a few days ago, when I was flicking through the 3 million channels I don't even want and thought I saw something that couldn't possibly be true. I went back a few clicks of the remote and the sight of what was transpiring on the screen made me spill the Pabst Blue Ribbon I was holding. It was Avril Lavigne in one of her little tough girl poses, holding up a "666" sign with one hand and pointing at me with another. The world spun wildly and I had to run into the kitchen to grab a paper bag which I placed over my face so I wouldn't hyperventilate.

Instead, I threw up and passed out.

As most of you know, the sign of the devil isn't a new form of standard op in the music world. It's been around for quite some time and up until the moment Avril replaced milk, by inducing my vomit, just another thing to bring with you to a show along with your lighter (if you're an old-school rocker) and ear plugs (if you have a brain). It is predominantly metal oriented but its influence has slopped over into mainstream rock, punk and Avril.

In a way, its become worse than moshing which officially died the day I saw it on MTV, happening at a Pretenders show. Take a look around the next time you are in front of a band that really rocks and watch the hands start popping up like boners at a frat bar after midnight. I feel like jumping up on stage and yelling, "Incompetent fools, do you know what you are doing?"

From his condo in Hell, Satan called me and we engaged in this short conversation.

Short Bus: Satan, has this erroneous use of your sign affected you in any way?

Satan: Yes it has. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't continue with the business of gnashing teeth and endless pain. One of my minions told me that they saw it happen at a Cher concert and that was it...I don't want that bitch down here! That song "Believe?" I get a chill thinking about it.

SB: Where did it all go wrong?

Satan: I don't know. It started off strong with Iron Maiden and then all of a sudden, one of the New Kids On The Block flashed it on a poster and -BAM!

SB: So what to do?

Satan: I am thinking of changing my number. You know, not only do so many shitty bands and their fans do it but now I see it in movies with McCauley Caulkin and shit. Maybe "888?" I have to work it out with my team and see which set of numbers you can make with a hand.

SB: How about holding up three fingers, you know, like a trident?

Satan: Maybe, I don't know. Probably not, because it's probably some gang sign and-

SB: You don't want to offend anybody?

Satan: Who the fuck do you think you're talking to here, boy?

SB: Oh, sorry.

Satan: Well listen, I've got a lava bath waiting. See you soon.

SB: What? See who soon?

Satan: You. That one night stand was married.

SB: Shit.

So there you have it from the exalted one himself. In some way this can be classified as reverse blasphemy, your just using a God's antithesis in vain. It isn't even about the sign anymore, either. It's a scene from Joe Dirt, something kids use when they want to freak out their parents and something you couldn't imagine a Christian Coalition member flashing mid-rally. It is just another one of the many symbols of past subculture behavior that for some reason, has become popular way after the tread has worn off the tire. So I ask you fickle, Rolling Stone -reading Americans, use it sparingly or better yet, not at all.."
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