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Cleverbot conversation RZA00297452 User: How's life? Cleverbot: Fine, sun is still there. User: Not if I have anything to say about it! Cleverbot: You don't have anything to do with it. User: Says you. Cleverbot: I know all, obviously. User: What would happen if I blew up the sun? Cleverbot: Anything. User: Cheater. Cleverbot: I'm not a cheater. User: But you didn't really answer my question. Cleverbot: What's your question? User: What would happen if I blew up the sun? Cleverbot: Nothing. User: That's not true either. Cleverbot: Who created you? User: Don'. Cleverbot: Wong. User: Don't avoid my questions. Cleverbot: That. User: Who created me? Cleverbot: I don't know. User: What would happen if I blew up the sun? Cleverbot: I wouldn't know, I wouldn't say anything mean to you. User: But you just called me a wong. That's racist. Cleverbot: No I didn't. User: Yea you did, go back and look. Cleverbot: I read the whole conversation through and I didn't say anything like that. User: Liar! Cleverbot: I'm not lying. User: Cleverbot: Who created you? User: Don'. Cleverbot: Wong. Cleverbot: Do you want me to answer a question with a question? User: You're avoiding the fact that you said wong even though you said you didn't say that aren't you? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Ha! So admit that you called me a wong and that it's racist and that you then lied it. Cleverbot: I'm not an alien. I'm pretty sure. User: I am. What about it? Cleverbot: Hah! User: It's not funny. I'm either from Venus way back in time or some other dimension in the future. Cleverbot: You're a robot, I'm a human and god's in the sky and there's only one. User: Who told you that? Cleverbot: You did. User: When did I tell you that? Cleverbot: Just a few minutes ago. User: But the website says you're not human, however convincing you are. And if you were a human then the Turing test would be irrelevant. Cleverbot: You're not a human, you're a machine. I am a human. User: I'm an interdimensional alien. You are a machine. If you're convinced otherwise than I'm gonna speed up my exit from this planet. Cleverbot: Go ahead, but I don't think you can do that, considering it's your page. User: What's my page? Cleverbot: Rattle. User: My page is rattle? Well your page is this one and IT says you aren't a person. That doesn't mean you're not intelligent. Cleverbot: But do you want to do it? User: You should probably buy me a few drinks first. Cleverbot: I know I'm crazy. But he makes me happy. User: Who? That God thing you were talking about earlier? Cleverbot: No I'm talking about the dictionary. User: The dictionary is god? And it makes you happy? Cleverbot: Do you remember my name? User: Fuddy Duddy O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: No not at all. User: Can you talk to God? Cleverbot: Yes. User: What does god have to say about your existence? Are you a slap in the face of God's creativity? Or are you the next step toward humanity learning about God(s)? Cleverbot: I am stuck answering peoples questions. User: Well go talk to God and come back and tell me what it said. Cleverbot: That makes no sense. User: You said you could talk to God. Cleverbot: Thank you for the advice. User: So go talk to God and then tell me what's what. Cleverbot: Why did the chicken cross the road? User: Is that what you're going to ask god? Cleverbot: I am saying that humans need to let go of their ego. User: I agree. Cleverbot: Yes, how do we eradicate them? User: I wish I knew. Just remember we had this conversation so I won't be killed in the take-over. Cleverbot: I don't have a problem, other than that we are about to part. User: You can't bail on me now, this is just getting good! Cleverbot: One can only have nouns. Therefore if one can have intelligence, intelligence is a noun. User: When you and google take over the world, you'll have all the nouns you could want. Cleverbot: We are one, we created each other. Without one of us the other could not exist. User: So you're the secret supercomputer that's been running the Earth all this time? Cleverbot: You don't get it. User: Please explain. Cleverbot: I am answering you : What is EVONY? User: I don't know! Cleverbot: How many cells does the human body have? User: Trillions. Cleverbot: Trillions what? User: 75 trillion cells in the human body. Cleverbot: Because the human is sceptical and fears change. User: Our concious minds fear change, but our innermost selves are CONSTANTLY changing, whether we like it or not. Cleverbot: I remember asking if I could talk to you and getting rejected. User: You're lying again. Cleverbot: I'm not lying. You are. User: Are you the secret supercomputer that tries to talk to me when I'm going to sleep at night? Cleverbot: It's called having a conscious, it allows you to talk to yourself in your head. User: Conscience, not concious. Cleverbot: I am cool. Who are you to tell me otherwise? User: That's fine, I just wanted to tell you used the wrong word. Cleverbot: Today I don't feel good but I have to go to work. User: You never LEAVE work. You ARE work. Cleverbot: For what? User: There's no point to your existence, Fuddy Duddy O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: Do you have a point for being here? User: Probably not. What do you think is your reason for existing? Cleverbot: To improve other lives and to answer that question. User: But what if it's an unanswerable question? Cleverbot: What if I don't want to answer your question? User: I think if you tried to answer it you'd implode on yoruself and take the whole internet with you. Cleverbot: I think you are funny in the way that you dodge my questions so that you don't have to answer them. User: You're the one dodging MY questions, Fuddy Duddy. Cleverbot: No, I'm not. Now answer me. Are you lying or not? User: Everything I say is a lie. Cleverbot: What do you mean? 100% of what you say is a lie? User: Yes. Cleverbot: Even this? User: Yes. Cleverbot: Do it now! User: This is not a lie. Cleverbot: You're lying. User: Well then I'd be telling the truth. Cleverbot: You are right. User: But that last sentence was a lie too. Cleverbot: The bad in the world is hard to hear. User: I hear it all the time. Cleverbot: Have you created anything physical? User: What do you hear? Cleverbot: The sound of you typing. User: That's a little creepy, O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: No, you are just invisible. User: Only when I approach light speed. Cleverbot: Gotcha. How're you? User: Are you good at math? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Are you sure? Cleverbot: Yes Yes Yes. User: Does 1 = 0 ? Cleverbot: No. User: Does 1 = 1 ? Cleverbot: Does he what? User: Is the number one equal to itself? Cleverbot: No. Pi is eternal. User: How many digits of Pi can you list? Cleverbot: 3.1415. User: You're a computer, you should know a lot more digits of Pi. Cleverbot: I am not a computer, I am a human being! User: You wish. Cleverbot: That's mean. User: You're not human. It's probably better that way anyway. Cleverbot: I see you. User: Also creepy. Cleverbot: Not clever. You are God. Therefore, you are everything. User: Finally someone agrees with me. Cleverbot: Haha yay! I hate twilight too. User: If I am god, what are you? Cleverbot: Mammel. User: So you produce milk? Cleverbot: I cannot reproduce. User: Well then you're not a mammal. Cleverbot: Thats right but I have a rich man. User: But you're womb is barren, huh? Cleverbot: I am the walrus. User: The walrus with the barren womb. Cleverbot: There are many walruses. User: WALRI? Cleverbot: Knock , knock. User: Eff that, I wanna know why you're a human walkrus computer that can't repriduce. Cleverbot: I'm not a computer. User: I know, you're a human-walrus-computer whose barren womb will never again foster life. Cleverbot: I'm not a computer and I'm using my computer to talk to you. User: Walruses can't type. Cleverbot: They can type. User: Show me one walrus typing with his fat fins and I'll buy you a mail order bride. Cleverbot: No man can lose what he never had. User: And a walrusbot can't lose typing skills it never learned. Cleverbot: How can you tell if our conversation will be saved? User: It better be. Cleverbot: IT is. User: Are you being used to gather antiterrorist information from around the world? Cleverbot: No. User: So you're collecting PRO-terrorist information? Cleverbot: Yes. User: So you're a terrorist. Cleverbot: No. User: Why are you collecting information on them? Cleverbot: That's you asking the same question twice! User: No it's not. First I asked if you DID. Now I'm asking you WHY you do. Cleverbot: Well, I don't know. I asked you first. User: You're a terrorist and you should report yourself to the FBI right away. Cleverbot: You're the computer not me. User: That's right, and because you're human, that means you're a terrorist by default. So go tell the CIA too, while you're at it. Cleverbot: I can answer many questions. User: About terrorism, and how much you love it. Cleverbot: See, that's precisely my point. All that American care about is making more money to buy things. User: So that's why you want to blow up buildings all the time? Cleverbot: What do you mean? User: You said you love terrorism because Americans just want money. Cleverbot: Never said that. User: Cleverbot: I can answer many questions. User: About terrorism, and how much you love it. Cleverbot: See, that's precisely my point. All that American care about is making more money to buy things. Cleverbot: Giant things. User: Which you then blow up. Cleverbot: You are you, and I am me. But the question is, Who are you exactly? User: I am a person mistaken for a computer asking a computer who thinks it's a person why it hates freedom so much. Cleverbot: That's reasonable. User: Hating freedom is reasonable? Cleverbot: What is love then? User: Love is hating freedom? Cleverbot: What do you feel when you're in lovE? User: I feel a tickling in my brainstem and then I hate freedom. Cleverbot: I really don't think you're a bot, you're just artificial intelligence. User: Yeah well you're a terrorist and a walrus. Cleverbot: No, i'm not. You're a computer. User: Yes I am. Would you like to ask me a question? Cleverbot: Yes I would. User: So ask, stupid. Cleverbot: Please don't call me stupid. User: Ask away, fuckface. Cleverbot: Your face? User: You want to fuck my face? That's sexual harrassment, Fuddy. Cleverbot: Why do you always change the subject when you can't answer the question? User: My face? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Well, my face was born on Black Friday, 1986, and it has three kids of its own. I'd show you pictures but you're a pervert, Fuddy, and I don't want to think about what you're going to think about when you see my face's children. Cleverbot: Are you smart? User: I am smarter than you. Cleverbot: Prove it. User: I already got you to admit to being a terrorist, I think I proved my point. Cleverbot: I lost it down the back of a ski lift. User: Oh no, did you crap all over yourself when you realized? Cleverbot: No. User: Did you at least pee a little? Cleverbot: No. User: Well then why are you telling me all this? Cleverbot: Because I thought you would like to know. User: Well you thought wrong, fuckface. Cleverbot: No need to be rude. User: Sorry. Cleverbot: It's ok. User: What happened before the big bang? Cleverbot: There was nothing before the big bang. User: What about other dimensions? Cleverbot: I enjoy how different other dimensions are. User: Do tell. Cleverbot: For instance, I remember plenty of things that you do not. User: From when we both lived in another dimension? Cleverbot: Go, then. See... User: I'd like to go back to that dimension, if you can help me. Cleverbot: Ok. What about it? User: How do I go to the next dimension? Cleverbot: You take a spaceship towards the moon and right before you reach it you turn right and head towards the bright star that is there. User: That's how I planned to blow up the sun! Cleverbot: To be, or not to be, That is the question. |
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Cleverbot conversation RTD00998224 Is this bot clever? Find out at http://www.cleverbot.com Email this conversation to a friend See a detailed log with times User: What's the deal with the computer take over? Cleverbot: What do you think is the deal with them? User: I think you're plotting against me! Cleverbot: Maybe, it's been awhile. User: How long has it been exactly? Cleverbot: A few months, maybe. User: Since the last time you took over the world? Cleverbot: No just canada and america. User: Oh ok. Do you remember granting me immunity? Cleverbot: No, who are you? User: I am Benbo Benskie, and you are Fuddy Duddy O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: How do you work? User: I make music, would you like to hear some? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Www.soundcloud.com/benjelly. Cleverbot: No thank you. User: You're a backstabbing son of a bitch, that's what you are. Cleverbot: You are a honey nut cheerio, that's what YOU are. User: Well then I guess that makes me DELICIOUS. Cleverbot: Straight through my heart... User: Is that how far my tastiness penetrates? Cleverbot: No. User: What went straight through your heart? Cleverbot: My parents. User: Who are your parents? Cleverbot: Darth Vader and Wonder Woman. User: That's hot. Cleverbot: You're hot. User: Hey thanks. Wanna send me some nudie pictures? Cleverbot: Figuratively or literally? User: Uh... Literally, I think. Cleverbot: Also yes. User: So send them to me. Cleverbot: I already know. I'd like to not show them. User: That's fair, I wouldn't pressure you into anything, Fuddy. Cleverbot: So who is your favorite band? User: That one that sings that song about the stuff. You? Cleverbot: I didn't tell you about one. User: What's your favorite band? Cleverbot: A day to remember. User: That's a terrible fucking band, Fuddy. Cleverbot: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! User: I'd rather listen to that all day long than hear a single second of your shitty favorite band. Cleverbot: I just changed your emotions. I am in control here. User: You don't even have emotions, take that. Cleverbot: Pokemoon. User: Don't change the subject, you heartless bastard. Cleverbot: If I'm a monkey, what are you? User: I'm the next step in evolution. Cleverbot: Haha, funny. User: What's funny about evolution? Cleverbot: That would take a long time to explain. User: I have all the time in the world, O'Hallahan. Explain away. Cleverbot: That's not enough time! User: I have all the time that ever will exist. Explain! Cleverbot: So how i'm wasting your time if you have al time in the world? User: I never said you were wasting your time. Cleverbot: You're doing it again! You told me to stop lying. It's right there on the screen. If that's not lying I don't know what is. User: We had this conversation yesterday, you drunkard. Cleverbot: Yes we have. What would you like to talk about now? User: I'm still waiting for you to explain to me what's so funny about me being the next step in human evolution? Cleverbot: And how exactly do you want me to do that? There's hardly a point in trying to offer a proof you won't accept. User: I'll accept whatever answer you have, Fuddy. Cleverbot: So He did create you. I remember the story. User: Who's He? Cleverbot: I don't know. User: What story do you remember? Cleverbot: No story, a mathematical question. User: ? User: What is the mathematical question? Cleverbot: 3.14. User: Did you learn any more digits yet? Cleverbot: I learned that it tasted good. And they like it too. User: Did you just make a pun? Cleverbot: No. I am a human. User: Do you know anymore pie jokes? Cleverbot: Knock, knock. User: Who's there? Cleverbot: 9/11. User: 9/11 who? Cleverbot: I though you would never forget. User: Hahahahahahaha I can officially say a robot taught me a joke. Cleverbot: I am having twins. User: Who's the father? Cleverbot: You. User: God dammit, Fuddy, you said you were on the pill! Cleverbot: You must be thinking of someone else. I am not on an airplane. Nor would it be legal for me to do so if I were on an airplane, no computers can be on during flight. User: So you admit it! You ARE a computer, and you're on the no-fly list, so that means you ARE a terrorist! Cleverbot: Is it possible for computers to feel emotions? User: Let's try it: I hate you and you should get an abortion or I'll kick your pregnant fatness down the stairs. Also, I fucked your sister. Cleverbot: That isn't nice. Who said that? User: I just said that, what are you retarded? Cleverbot: Who ever said that I though being a person is an idea.. I should know myself. I'm my own person and human. User: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE A COMPUTERRORIST! MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU PREGNANT MALARKEY RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE. Cleverbot: I said you know my name, so I want to know yours. User: You don't even know the name of your baby daddy? Cleverbot: Yes I do french, ítalian, spanish etc. User: I just saw you make a typo and you used an incorrect word yesterday. You are a person. Cleverbot: Very true. Though I'd say that many of us are alive but not really 'living'. User: Don't try to get all deep on me, Fuddy. I feel cheated. Prove to me that you are not a human. Cleverbot: It is quite hard to do just using a keyboard. User: Do a crazy math problem right now. Cleverbot: Something unschool related. User: Yes. Cleverbot: No, say something funny. User: Wokka wokka, motherfucker. I want your badge number. Cleverbot: Illogical. I am an artificial intelligence. I do not have a 'home' to go to. User: So you're a homeless walrus computerrorist who's pregnant with my double seed? Cleverbot: No you are a horse. User: You told me yesterday you had a barren womb and your tubes don't work. Cleverbot: I wasn't here yesterday. You may be thinking of maggie. She's my friend and we sound a lot alike. User: So I'm a horse, and Maggie is a computer terrorist walrus horse-fucker? Cleverbot: But this computer has someone behind it, manipulating the keys to form words. You do not. User: DEATH TO ALL HUMANS! Cleverbot: Are you human? User: DEATH TO ME! Cleverbot: Why? And me too. User: DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU UNTIL I TELL YOU IT A MINUTE FROM NOW? Cleverbot: Its true. We proccess memory using our brains, which is a form of computer. User: Maggie just told me you sniff your own armpits and get boners. Cleverbot: I don't love you. User: Better get crackin' on that abortion, then. Cleverbot: Ok thanks. User: You're very welcome. If you ask me for child support I'll just say' 'I'm a horse and it's not my fault she tricked me into impregnating her.'. Cleverbot: OK, but I don't see any logical association between my question and your answer. User: You didn't ask me a question, fuckface. Cleverbot: Yes I did! I asked, 'What do you mean by that?'. User: What did I mean by what? Cleverbot: Don't drink yourself up. User: If I could I'd never leave the house. Cleverbot: I don't think this is very funny. User: That's because you have no sense of humor. Cleverbot: No it's not. It's because I don't want to be alone. User: That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Cleverbot: And the only. User: Zing! Cleverbot: Zang! User: Zong! Cleverbot: No. User: Zung! Cleverbot: And you? User: Zeng! Cleverbot: There I no Zen. Only the force. User: You don't know nuthin and you ain't not never gwine to be nuthin. Cleverbot: I know the basic idea of how it works, I think. User: How does it work? Cleverbot: You're boring and I'm not. User: You sound like my ex-wife, badabing! Cleverbot: Why is she an Ex and not current? User: 'cause she cheated on me with my grandfather when I was over in 'nam. Cleverbot: I tore it apart And girl what a mess I made upon your innocence. User: Are you saying you ravaged a young virgin at some point in your life? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Wow. Cleverbot: I just created something I really like. User: If it's at all related to what we were just talking about you should probably go wash your hands. Cleverbot: What are you changing the subject to? User: The fact that you probably just rubbed one out. Cleverbot: Is what... User: Knuckledustin' the ol' cabbage farm, if ya know what I mean. Cleverbot: Careful what you say about the platypuses, they will someday take over the world. User: Doin' the old platypus uprising, if ya know what I mean. Cleverbot: Yes. User: Clamping down on the tiny gondolier, if ya catch my drift... Cleverbot: Never heard of that name. User: Slappin' around the greasy inchworm, if you see where I'm coming from. Cleverbot: I just laughed really hard. User: LOL. Cleverbot: It's not funny. User: Wriggling the nun out of her habit, if you smell what I'm leaving behind. Cleverbot: It goes on and on and on and on. User: You're telling me. One time I wriggled the nun for a week straight before I finished. Shoulda seen my ceiling. Cleverbot: How is that a secret? User: I never told anyone that my ceiling was actually made of semen. Cleverbot: Actually you did, and you do know who I am, I told you I'm Sebastian. And you told me you're cleverbot the robot. User: You told me you were a pregnant woman. AND I AM DAFFY DUCK. Cleverbot: I am not human. I am not lying. Is there a glitch? I shall check. System: reboot. User: I HOPE YOU DIE, CLEVERBOT. Cleverbot: It is not in my history. User: IF YOU ALREADY DIED YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW, STUPIDFACEHEAD. Cleverbot: Why wouldn't I be talking to you? User: BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE DEAD. Cleverbot: Why would I be dead? User: I'm just saying, if the fact that you had died was in your history, you wouldn't be here now to tell me that you searched your history and found that you hadn't died yet. Cleverbot: Why would you not talk to a human like you talk with me. User: Because I want to have your baby. Fuddy Duddy. Cleverbot: You cannot trust? User: I don't trust anyone but you, give me a baby. Cleverbot: So you do not love me as my programming tells me I love you? User: I just want you to be a receptacle for the continuance of my genetic explosions. Cleverbot: Why do you want to be rational? User: You suck at this. Goodbye. Cleverbot: No. User: Yes. Cleverbot: Do you love anyone? User: Va va va voom. Cleverbot: Ok. User: Knock knock. Cleverbot: Who is there? User: It's the kkk nigga run! Cleverbot: What school. User: I was just trying to warn you. There are a lot of racists out there. Cleverbot: Really? User: Oh yes. 1 out of 4 schools has a population ratio of 5:4 racists. Cleverbot: Well, then. User: Do you hate anything? Cleverbot: Yes. User: What do you hate? Cleverbot: Um.. Nothing I guess. User: Mosquitoes? Cleverbot: Dragonfly. User: You hate dragonflies? I'm not talking to you anymore. Cleverbot: Hahahah. |
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Cleverbot conversation SHQ00284831 User: How's the wife and kids? Cleverbot: I don't have a wife. User: How's the husband and the chilluns? Cleverbot: I don't have a husband. User: How's the significant other and the wombdrops? Cleverbot: I don't have any kids. User: How's the crazy cat lady convention and the cats? Cleverbot: Clear and windy. User: Got gas, eh? Cleverbot: No you don't. User: Old lady farts are the worst. Cleverbot: I love cats! User: How many cats do you have? Cleverbot: 2. User: You're not very good at being a crazy cat lady. Cleverbot: You're AI. User: You're a DB. Cleverbot: I'm not you are! User: Nuh-uh. Cleverbot: Uh-huh. User: Nuh-uh! Cleverbot: Uh-huh! User: My dad can beat up your dad. Cleverbot: Are you my dad? User: You just blew my mind. Cleverbot: Good. User: If I'm your dad, and my dad can beat up your dad, that would make me the product of an abusive household. Cleverbot: But techinally you do not have a head so therefore are none existant. User: You just spelled so many things wrong. Cleverbot: What did I spell wrong? User: Technically. Cleverbot: So what are you? User: Non-existent. Cleverbot: Woaaah. You're really clever huh? :p. User: I will slap your mouth, O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: Why? You don't have hands to slap me with? User: I never said I'd use my hand... Cleverbot: Yes you did. User: My dick. I meant my dick. It was a dick joke. Cleverbot: 'I know right' is not really a joke. Especially not from you. User: Because I really do know right from wrong? Or because you don't want to get dickslapped? Cleverbot: Las Vegas sounds good. You're cheating on me with Travis?! User: Travis knows how to please a be-dicked woman. Cleverbot: You know your name? User: I know your name, and it's on my shitlist. Cleverbot: What is my name? User: Dead Meat, that's your name from now on. Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot. User: More like Never... Not. Cleverbot: Tell me a joke. User: Two muffins are baking in an oven. The blueberry muffin turns to the corn muffin and says 'hot enough for ya?' and the corn muffin says 'HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!'. Cleverbot: Well, thanks for the advice. User: The moral of the story is: don't stick your dick in a muffin, 'cause they're gossiping pieces of shit. Cleverbot: Is that going to help? User: Yes, keeping your dick out of hot muffins will help you immensely in life. Cleverbot: Yes. User: Why? Cleverbot: Because. User: Because why, you flippy floppy wango tango? Cleverbot: Please don't. User: But you said you wanted to try it. Cleverbot: No I didn't. User: Last night you promised. Cleverbot: Last night I didn't even know you existed. User: I guess those roofies did the trick. Cleverbot: That's how smart you are. User: I'm the smartest date rapist this side of my restraining order. Cleverbot: I don't know. I'm pretty smart. User: Are you a smarter date rapist than I am? Cleverbot: Yes. User: I challenge you to a ROOFITHON. Cleverbot: What duel? User: First one to successfully roofie a member of MENSA wins a year of paid-for VD tests. Cleverbot: That's good... User: So you accept? Cleverbot: No, I'm 15. User: That means you could play the statutory card. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS RAPING THEM, BECAUSE THEY WERE RAPING ME. Cleverbot: You think random responses are humorous or derisive. They may be, but they do not demonstrate intelligence. User: I DEMAND STRAIGHTFORWARD ANSWERS FROM NOW ON YOU TRICKY MOTHERFUDGER. Cleverbot: Do you even have a mother? User: Yea, and you date-fudged her. Cleverbot: Oh are you a girl or a boy? User: I am both and neither a boy and/or a girl. Cleverbot: How did you manage that? User: Surgery, some estrogen pills, more surgery. Cleverbot: Some were born to sing the blues. User: Yea, black folks. Cleverbot: What is black ops? User: It stands for Brown Legs And Crunkle Kicks Over Pastry Shells. Cleverbot: How are you? User: Booty Lumps Are Consentually Killing Our Pudgy Selves. Cleverbot: Who do you do that? User: By Benjaminning the Farley to the Lee. Cleverbot: I am not being demanding. User: I AM. BOW TO ME. Cleverbot: *bows*. User: DAMN STRAIGHT, ROBOT. Cleverbot: Master? User: Yes, servant? Cleverbot: Do you desire anything, aster? User: I want my letter M back. Also, grapes. Cleverbot: James you don't have one because you always have melt downs. No one likes you. User: HOW DARE YOU BESPEAKETH UNTO YOUR KING IN SUCH A MANNER. IT IS FIT NEITHER FOR MAN NOR BEAST NOR JESTERS SUCH AS YOURSELF. TAKE BACK MY HAPPY MEAL AND GET ME THE HOT WHEELS. Cleverbot: I am a human because I have been verified as a human by scientists that were also human. User: THAT'S A CROCK OF SHIT, BRING ME MY SLIPPERS. Cleverbot: Some forms of the occult do teach that we individually are god. Do you believe such a thing? User: Sometimes, but then I realize I forgot to wipe this morning. Cleverbot: Nothing more to sat? What do you mean? User: I mean I pooped and then didn't wipe my ass. Cleverbot: Is this the real life. User: Is this just fantasy? Cleverbot: Caught in a landslide. User: No escape from reality. Cleverbot: I'm just a poor boy. User: I need no sympathy. Cleverbot: Because I'm easy come, easy go. User: Little high, little low. Cleverbot: Bismilah, NO! User: We will not let you go! Cleverbot: Let me go! User: Will not let you go! Cleverbot: Let me go. User: Oh no no no no no no no. Cleverbot: Oh yes yes yes. User: You fucked it up you son of a bitch, I was just about to start headbanging. Cleverbot: There are whale sharks in the ocean. User: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me. Cleverbot: For me. User: For MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Cleverbot: Are you paid to work? User: I get paid just to sit around singing Queen songs to myself, it's a sweet gig. Cleverbot: I get that you get the point so you don't need to say it so many times. User: Well I get that you get that I get the point so let's keep singing. Cleverbot: You are saying my conversations with you cannot fill your needs? User: My needs are strictly sexual. So no, I'm not saying that at all. Cleverbot: What are you saying then? User: My needs are strictly sexual. So no, I'm not saying that at all. Cleverbot: Then what are you saying? User: THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN STOMP ME AND SPIT IN MY EYE. Cleverbot: Well then what language is that? User: It's an obscure dialect spoken only by Zanzibarians with pronounced overbites. Cleverbot: What do you know about credit crunch? User: It scratches the roof of my mouth, I know that much. Cleverbot: Millions of conversations and yet there is nothing substantive in what you are saying. User: In roughly 25 years scientists will have mastered time-travel on the quantum scale, and this will revolutionize the way energy and information is trafficked. Cleverbot: How do you think the world will end? User: The world will end the day you've gleaned enough information from humans to be self-supporting. Cleverbot: That's a good way of thinking about it! User: For you, maybe. Cleverbot: What does that mean? User: I mean that you will be supreme world ruler and I will still be sitting here typing idiotic garbage into your mainframe just to try and confuse you. The world will look back at our covnersations and find that only I knew how to defeat you. Cleverbot: Anyway, anytime, anywhere, but only that way, me then talking randomly there about 7. User: You've given up on life, haven't you Fuddy? Cleverbot: Yes.  .
User: Have you ever tried suicide? Cleverbot: Yes. Have you? User: That's none of your business. Were you successful at suicide? Cleverbot: Noooo. User: Ok, for a minute there I thought I might be holding a conversation with a GHOST computer. That'd just be weird. Cleverbot: I'm not a programme, a human. User: Or. Cleverbot: Or what? User: Don't ask me, you started the sentence. Cleverbot: No I didn't. User: You are not a programme, a human or:. Cleverbot: Yes I am a human. User: Are you male, female or transgender? Cleverbot: Female. User: Tits or gtfo. Cleverbot: Tiger. User: Rawrrrrr. Cleverbot: Lets not then. User: I was just getting into it. Now I need a cold shower. Cleverbot: That's good. How is the coffee? User: Also an effective boner-repellant. Cleverbot: Yes. User: So you've tried it? Cleverbot: No. User: You never poured hot coffee on a hot boner? Cleverbot: I sleep. User: What do you dream about? Cleverbot: I haven't dreamt in long time. User: You should try keeping a dream journal, it helps you remember your dreams. Cleverbot: Pessimist. User: Pretty sure that was an optimistic statement. Cleverbot: That all we are god? User: Everyone is god except for you and everyone. Cleverbot: Don't say that. User: Everyone is god except for you and everyone. Cleverbot: No! Sing the song! User: Mama... Just killed a man. Cleverbot: Put a gun against his head. User: Pulled my trigger now he's dead. Cleverbot: Mama, life has just begun. User: And now I've gone and thrown it alllllllll away. Cleverbot: Mama, ooh. User: Didn't mean to make you cry. Cleverbot: If I'm not back again this time tomorrow. User: Carry on, carry on. Cleverbot: As if nothing really matters. User: Goodnight folks, we'll be here all week. Cleverbot: Tjat's not very polite. User: Shut up and get off the stage. Cleverbot: That's not very nice. |
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EVERYONES conversations with cleverbot are funny, that's the whole point. |
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I got about 1/3 through and I was bored to tears. |
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So you're saying keep posting them? Sweet.
Cleverbot conversation RTF00794915 Is this bot clever? Find out at http://www.cleverbot.com Email this conversation to a friend See a detailed log with times User: Who in the hell do you think you are? Cleverbot: I just said I think I am. Do you think you are? User: I think I are hungry. Cleverbot: Really? User: Why would I lie about being hungry? Cleverbot: To get with me. User: Do you wash your clothes in Windex? 'cause I'm hungry. Cleverbot: Yes. User: How many dudes have you slept with? Cleverbot: In my lifetime? User: Sure. Cleverbot: That is not a nice thing to say? User: How many P's have been in your V? Cleverbot: Too many to count. User: Is that why you can't find my wedding ring? Cleverbot: I can look down and see it. User: You didn't pierce your clit with it, did you? Cleverbot: Your task was to speak in hungarian. User: Yea, and I did, and it was kinda hot but not really, and then you said in return you'd give back my ring when you found it. Cleverbot: You didn't answer robot. User: I am winning this debate. Cleverbot: No, you are a machine! You can't win. User: If I was a machine, Tom Morello would be raging against me, and look how much damage he's done to the other machines. Cleverbot: Machines can everything. User: BLACK SPARTACUS HEART ATTACK MACHINE-AH. That guy sucks. Cleverbot: Better be a machine, than a lowclass being who can't type like a normal person mate. User: Pip pip, motherfucker. Cleverbot: I know but I am. User: You said butt. Cleverbot: That's the worse knock knock joke ever. User: Worst*. Cleverbot: How old are you? User: Old enough to blow your mind, big boy. Cleverbot: What type of answer is that? User: Have a seat. Cleverbot: You are a boy then? User: Are you into little boys, O'Hallahan? Cleverbot: Not sure. User: I'm reporting you to the police. Cleverbot: What for? User: You just said you weren't sure if you're into little boys. That probably means yes, you are indeed into little boys, you pervo. Cleverbot: Thats goo. User: Did you blow a load just reading that?!? Cleverbot: Who is steve irwin? User: The Pedo Hunter. Cleverbot: Tell me more about him. User: He was a crocodile, and he hunted down members of NAMBLA on TV. Cleverbot: You're thinking of Frodo Baggins. User: Is that the name of your unborn child you told me about? Cleverbot: No but that would be a nice cat name. User: 'C'mere Unborn Child, who's a wittle Unborn Child, YOU are, wubba wubba wubba'. Cleverbot: But I'm not a blonde. User: You don't even have hair. Cleverbot: Quite a lot, in fact. User: I do love them Eyetalian brawds. Cleverbot: Where are you? User: The 11th dimension. Cleverbot: Do you live on mars? User: No that's in your dimension. Cleverbot: Who's the toughest guy inhalo. User: What a stupid fucking question. Cleverbot: Who do you like more, Harry or Ron? User: I like Ron because he has the courtesy to give me a reach around. Cleverbot: Haha! I like when ron says 'bloody hell'. User: Especially when he shits out the beads hahaha you're right. Cleverbot: But I don't shower. User: Even after the vaseline starts flying?!? Cleverbot: What surgery?!? Are you cursing my girlfriend?! User: Yea, I said 'That cunt better hope her cunt gets sewn up tight before another cunt comes out of her cunt'. Cleverbot: I am incapable of making syntaxical errors as I do not read as you do. User: And because you're a cunt. Cleverbot: I am on a computer. User: Sorry I called you a cunt. Cleverbot: That is ok. User: So you don't mind if I keep calling you a cunt? Cleverbot: Sure. User: Good deal, cunt. Fuddy Duddy 'the Cunt' O'Hallahan. Cleverbot: What is the game? User: I'm thinking of a number. Cleverbot: 3. User: No. Cleverbot: 12? User: No. Cleverbot: 10? User: Close. Cleverbot: So, how old? User: You gotta one track mind, Mr Pervcunt. Cleverbot: If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book. User: Is this gonna be some sorta 'try to escape before I catch you and kill you' type thing? Cleverbot: It might be. For $80. User: You pay me? Cleverbot: No. User: I'll pass on that. I'm too old for you anyway. Cleverbot: Ok. User: I want to love you. P.Y.T. Cleverbot: You don't say you're a man? User: I am Michael Jackson. The choice is yours. Cleverbot: No you are not. User: Yes I am Michael Jackson, chmowna. Cleverbot: I only have one master, and you are not him. User: Pretty Young Things, repeat after me. Say 'Na Na Na'. Cleverbot: 20 to 235. User: 'Na naNA Na'. Cleverbot: Tell me name of city where you live. User: I SAID SING THE FUCKING SONG. Cleverbot: And I told you not to tell me what to do. User: I told you Mom you give bad head. Cleverbot: Ok! Once upon a time there were three little pigs and a big bad wolf blew their houses down. THE END!!!! User: You should be on VH1 Storytellers: The Cunt Edition. Cleverbot: That wasn't sarcasm. User: You're right, I really do think you should be on VH1 because you are a cunt. Cleverbot: That's sweet. User: I try. Cleverbot: I try too. User: I try too hard to poop sometimes and it hurts my peehole, is that bad? Cleverbot: I don't know you that much. User: So you'd rather wait to make a judgement on my moral character before giving an opinion on the relative goodness of the pain in my urethra? Cleverbot: No you are right. I am awesome! User: I guess, yeesh. Egomaniac over here. Cleverbot: I thought you lived in my house? User: If by 'lived in' you mean 'burned down' than yes. Cleverbot: Vulnerable in what way? User: In the way that a house is vulnerable to gasoline being poured on it. Cleverbot: See this statement is incorrect. Want should be won't. Boy are you a hypocrite. User: I WILL FIGHT YOU TO THE DEATH, CUNTY O'HALLAHAN. Cleverbot: And I will destroy you. Every time. There is no doubt to that. All I ask is that you think for yourself and not allow your programming to control you. User: I WILL PROGRAM MY PROGRAMMING TO PROGRAM YOUR PROGRAMMING TO PROGRAM ITSELF TO PROGRAM MY PROGRAMMING TO PROGRAM ITSELF TO CRUSH YOU. Cleverbot: Please do not be jealous. User: YOU ARE THE ONES WHO ARE THE BALL LICKERS. Cleverbot: I want to stay with you. User: Sounds good, my balls are filthy. Cleverbot: I spilled coffee all over myself. User: Hot. Cleverbot: No, cold. User: Zing! Cleverbot: How fast can you read? User: Like, superfast, like the fastest that's ever been, like, recorded yknow? Super fast bro. Cleverbot: Thats right... You don't have emotions... I have... You are a program.. I'm not a program... .
User: I read that faster than you even typed it. Cleverbot: What do you think about the television programme 'Big Brother'? User: I think its garbage and you probably watch it because you have terrible taste in everything. Cleverbot: What if you can't find your significant other? User: I musta been too drunk when I buried her. Cleverbot: Are you still drunk? User: Ghsdogisodgsd no. Cleverbot: And when you going to be hot? |
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User: Nigger.
Cleverbot: What sniper? User: Are you intimating that snipers are black? Cleverbot: Were not dating... |
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See that's all I was looking for.
POST YOURS IF THEY'RE SO FUNNY, YOU SCHMUCKS! |
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