http://worcester.craigslist.org/muc/2213214633.html

band manager needed (shrewsbury/worcester)
Date: 2011-02-13, 9:52PM EST
Reply to: ian13301@hotmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

hey guys my names Ian and im a vocalist for my band Demons Silence. we are in dire need of a band manager to straighten us out into doing our job as making music and showing up for practices. Its my dream to be big with this and apparently it is to them but im the only one acually trying my hardest with this while no one else does anything....if theres anyone at all that is a hard worker and would like to work with us please send me a text (774 437 1164) or an email above. I would greatly appreciate it if we can get some one who is a hard worker and understands how i feel about this.

ps. We are in need of a bassist and synth keyboard player if there are any of them around. we r a group of Ages 16-20 please make sure you are at least in this age category to contact me about this position thank you we wuld also like if our manager is between the ages of 15-20 thank you again.

* Location: shrewsbury/worcester
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 2213214633

http://worcester.craigslist.org/muc/2211875401.html
Need a Band Room? (Leominster)
Date: 2011-02-13, 12:36AM EST
Reply to: comm-ctn3a-2211875401@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I have a Garage band room for rent Cheap!!!! Carpeted and walls padded to reduce on sound bounce.it's not beautiful but it works. it's not heated 24/7. you can heat it(if you have the right heater) or I will supply the heat.also i have a PA and other stuff available if needed? Let me know what you need and I'll see what I can do for ya. Price will base on your needs. Please No Death metal bands.. Sorry

* Location: Leominster
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 2211875401

This Ian character orders food from the pizza shop I work at. Im totally gonna fuck with him next time I see him.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Demons-Silence/166594610596?sk=info

OK Two points,

1) Sometimes when people are born their face is pointed towards mom's butt, and this can cause moulding of the face into a butt-grooved form. Prominent features of butt-moulded (BM) faces are: i) elongate noses (John Kerry syndrome), 2) vacuous expressions, 3) canted nostrils, 4) cavernous sinus passages. In my professional opinion, Ian of Demons Silence has all 4 of these features, and presumably has the fifth diagnostic feature, which is a sonorous and voice like an oboe that spent a week in the basement of a flooded house.

2) WTF middy, in this navy we use apostrophes where they are warranted! Demons Silence, Demon's Silence, Demons' Silence: of these options the first is the worst. Another violation and you'll be tarring the ship's keel during high seas!

#4 maybe it's an action statement. What do demons do? Demons silence!

Just picture a bunch of scary demons going "shhhhh. shhhhhh" Like in the Bjork video.

bennyhillifier

They need to be a pizzagrind band.

Somebody go rent that room and have full orchestra practice there; the next ad will be begging for death metal bands.

yeah, a 15 year old manager will straighten you guys right out and send you to the TOP!

ATTN MSD these hairless young boys need a manager, shoot them an email already.

solid win.

He's too busy seducing young island boys on a cruise in international waters for the next week.

Fuck that shit. I'm on it.

Fuck yes

ITT: HollaSceneDaddy

Goddamn, I thought you'd be elbow deep in foreigners by now.

Greetings Ian,

I read your request for a band manager on CraigsList and would like to learn a little more about what you folks' goals are. If it seems like a good fit, I'd love to have the opportunity to work with you gentlemen. First a little about me... My name is Carl but my friends call me Blumpkin. I'm 19 years old and have about 9 years experience managing bands. I've recently completed a 4 year college degree in music management and have successfully coached goth rock and folk-deathcore bands Spinny5 and Trashmop. They are both in the process of signing multi-record recording contracts and arranging nation-wide tours. I am an extremely diligent worker and am very motivated and success-oriented. Additionally, I do know quite a lot of musicians (bass & synth players included) who are looking for project work.

So what are you looking to accomplish in the short term as well as long term? I am versatile and can work within your goals. It sounds as if you may need some structure in the immediate future, IE: ensuring practice schedules are kept and the writing process is allowed to develop smoothly.

I hope to hear from you soon. I look forward to working with you.

Carl "Blumpkin" Cheddarsmooth

Haha, Cheddarsmooth. With a name like that it's impossible NOT to get nudes.

In the next emails I intend to talk about the band members' ages, find the details of the no-shows for practice, talk about my monetary compensation (lulz) and maybe ask for nudes.

Ease into it with "headshots."

Good call, sir.

I'm Mike Notshaver, and I approve this trolling.

volunteering for "synth" right here
[/in b4 cockslapping a casio keyboard]

make sure you let them know about the 95% Management fee. which is a direct result of the economy of course.

Introduce them to Bernie.

Bernardo dickhardo

Make sure they know once the youngest member reaches 18 you'll no longer be able to work with them.

Massive LULZ

http://boston.craigslist.org/sob/muc/2231165762.html

http://worcester.craigslist.org/muc/2199778453.html

Looking to start ambient hardcore band (Worcester)

Date: 2011-02-06, 3:01AM EST
Reply to: illnoiseproductions@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey guys, names Logan.

Been here in Worcester for a little under a year and I've noticed there's not much of a heavy christian scene around here as far as I can tell. I'm looking to start something asap and get around playing shows. I have 7 songs ready to go basically, with leads and all kinds of stuff.

You can hear some of it with no vocals (yet) on facebook, just search "The Bullfighter".
I have lyrics lined up for about half of the songs and im working more and more on these songs every day.
I'm down for any kind of a (person) layout for this band with myself probably on vocals but, if we cant find the right guys, i could move to guitar and be very happy.
Been playing guitar for 8 years keys for 2 and been screaming since forever.
Been recording off my laptop since i got it about 3 years ago. Set up TONS and TONS of shows back when I lived in Texas.
Played tons of shows, been in tons of bands, blah blah.... the most recent of which is Hornets Vs Bees.

Looking forward to the friendships!
Thank you and God bless.
-Logan

PS: A Few of my infuences:
A Bullet For Pretty Boy
Fit For A King
The Chariot
A Plea For Purging
Impending Doom
Woe Is Me
We Came As Romans
Emmure
For The Fallen Dreams
mewithoutYou
Harp and Lyre
annnnnd a zillion other bands of all kinds of genres (metal, metalcore, indie, hip hip, rap, oldies)

(the band picture is my old band, HVB)

ambient hardcore

His response:

Hi Carl i'm so glad you have sent me an Email i am very impressed with what you have told me and i just need a Bassist and Synth keyboardist and another Guitarist for the band if you could help me out with that? i'm having some real trouble with finding dedicated people especially finding a place along with that its really frustrating for myself and i was hoping someone like you would show up and help out. i would greatly appreciate it if you could manage us and help us out it would be an honor to have you with us in that case and help us achieve our dream to be big. We may be 17 and 18 but we really know that we want to achieve our dream. I hope to hear from you Carl. most thanks.

He'll never make it in this business with that piss-poor punctuation, or lackthereof.

I know he's only 17 but how the fuck did he fall for that?

Lol, he wants you to help him make it big....

thats both sad and hilarious at the same time.... sadlarious?

Next time I see this kid im going to be all "OMG you're in demons silence! You're working with carl cheddarsmooth right?!"

I think he's helping MSD make "it" big, ifyaknowwhatimean.

Carl Cheddarsmooth

Jesus backflipping Christ?! Mike, you're my hero...... and with a little effort, you can be Ian-DS's hero too. You can at least be his 1st, and what's better than that?

I can do nothing but slow clap this entire thread. I love all of you.

Come on Mike that guy from boston just wants to sing some angry new-wave-death-ska-core give him a break

Trashmop

I wonder what Logan\'s favorite hip-hip artist is... And why were there so many people in his last band?

fix'd

New response back to Ian:

Hi Ian,

Sorry for my late response. I was taking care of work for other clients overseas and had limited access to email and telephone. I'm very glad you're interested in working with me. I think this is going to be the start of a very good professional relationship.

I understand you need another guitar player in addition to the bass and synth player. This is no problem. I know plenty of guitar players and I'm sure we can all work together to find someone who fits perfectly. And if we have to reach outside of my circle of colleagues, that is fine as well. A little known tip is that most people incorrectly assume that attending shows and posting/responding to ads is a great way to find new band members. In reality, I have found great success finding very talented and dedicated musicians by setting up booths in middle schools (even elementary schools) and grocery stores. Trashmop's current guitarist was found this way and he's currently doing a short interview for Guitar magazine.

So Ian, what are your other band members' names and where do you practice? Also, could you tell me a little bit about the style you folks are going for?

Regards,

Cheddarsmooth

PS: this is all coming from jamalholladaddy@gmail.com

My gmail name for that account is "Jamal Doozlesnorf". Ian doesn't seem to mind the inconsistencies.

this should make for an excellent Dateline NBC segment.

hahaha i bet that kid has been bragging to all of his friends about this.

Carl Cheddarsmooth: File Photo

LOL

hahahaha

ITT: AMBIENT SHOTACORE

^hahahahahaha

hahaha, please do. That would be amazing.

you should add that he set up tables throughout the local school district and found you a 13 year old who could shred like yngwie

Another response:

thanks alot cheddar =) much appreciated. and that would be really nice of you if we could find those people thanks to u =) also my band members names are conor rozicki (drummer) and akshay gupta (guitarist, but hes leaving for india in july so he wont be with us for much longer) we acually do not have a space to practice and we are rlly in a bad area right now because of tht and finding members at the same time you know? trust me, if we had a space we wuld buy a recorder by now record us and have the songs we made just the 3 of us on facebook or something, that wuld show people we r serious but unfortunately we are in a bad situation =/ also dont worry about the late response =)

Hes got a crush on you Cheddar =)

wow

Amazing. You're only a few emails away from procuring nudes of these retarded nubiles.

loling @ the file photo

Tell him Fisher Price makes some quality recorders WITH built in microphones.

hahahahaha, A Bullet For Pretty Boy

what a goofy name for a band. i thought bullet for my valentine was gay, but this is worse.

they should merge with Gay Side Cervex

DO THEY GIVE PAYDAY LOANS?

From me to him:

"Not a problem Ian. So tell me, what are your influences when writing? What would you compare your sound to? Also, I'd like to start organizing some preliminary marketing material. Would you be able to send me headshots of your current members? Quality for these should not be of paramount concern at the moment as they will be redone professionally later down the road.

Regards,

The Cheddz"


New response from him:

"writing songs? well im the song writer of the group and i mean i really think about whats on my mind and just kinda jot it down and make a really cool idea to fit along the way you know? the sound we wanna compare ourselves to is that we want to sound like having parkway drives riffs and breakdowns while having the devil wears prada clean high vocals with low growls like parkway drive you know what i mean? =) also i can def. try getting headshots for you asap =) and again i really appreciate it ched =)"

Instead of going through with headshots I think I should just ask him to take a picture of all of them with their shirts off and arms folded looking badass. I believe that they would produce them. I wonder if that's illegal though. Asking underage BOYS for pictures of themselves with their shirts off is new material for me.

i do believe that would be venturing into territory best not talked about on a public message forum.

It was a typo. I meant infants.

"Dude, I need to take a picture of your head"

"WTF for, bro?"

"IT'S FOR CHEDDARSMOOTH, GODDAMNIT! Now shut up and look hard and soft at the same time"

I think you should be careful with asking for pics. What you've done so far is hilarious, but at the same time, it could draw some unwanted attention to yourself. Imagine this, you keep this up, actually get headshots from his band (never mind no-shirt shots) and then he finally wakes the fuck up and realizes that you're totally fucking with him. When someone this young and stupid realizes that they've been fucked with BIG TIME there's a good chance that they're gonna complain to their parents... if their parents read the stuff you've been saying... asking for their names, headshots, where they live etc... they might report you to the authorities...who would probably NOT find it funny at all. So just be careful.

True dat. I'm always super cautious with this bullshit and error on the side of covering my own ass. I asked for names to find out exactly how many idiots he was working with in this sure-fire plan for success of a band he has. I didn't anticipate that he'd give me their full names. I'm surprised he didn't give me their social security numbers.

And MFR demands nudes.

I started laughing out of nowhere last night and my girlfriend asked me wtf was so funny. All I could say was "Carl Cheddarsmooth"

manager is between the ages of 15-20

I walked through the door of the practice space to Mike, standing in the middle of the room talking to MFR, looking at me saying "...Carl Cheddarsmooth". It was amazing.

That was good timing. I was reenacting what Jimbo said to me when he poked his head in.

One of my the girls in my gym class has an older brother that was "stung" by the feds for speaking with underage boys..... bad news bears.

And by "stung", you mean "gang raped", correct?

This made me giggle out loud at work.

So I searched for "Carl Cheddarsmooth" on facebook and found nothing. Get on that shit!

C.C.Smooth's got all the right moves

Also, according to our FB page, Mr. Cheddarsmooth is our new general manager.

mike be sure to give all the band members a complimentary "Hot Carl"

And a sloppy carlson

Carl don't forget to list your past managing achievements:

http://www.myspace.com/indeathirisenj

THIS.

WAT

^---- exactly

I'll give you five bucks if you show up with a bass and a Casio synth.

Also, completed a four year degree at 19? I call bullshoot.

Also also, IRL, a 19-year-old would write it like this:

I read ur sic request 4 a sic band manager n CraigsList n would like 2 learn hella more bout what u sic folks' sic goals are.

http://worcester.craigslist.org/cas/2249468140.html

JUST FOR 2NIGHT - m4w - 20 (WORCESTER)
Date: 2011-03-05, 7:39PM EST
Reply To This Post

I'M 20, LOOK'3N 4 A GOOD TIME 2NIGHT, I DRINK, I SMOKE TREE'S...(I'M NOT BROKE LIKE OTHERS LOL)
SO WATS GOOD MA HIT ME UP FOR A GOOD TIME..I LIKE THEM OLDER LADYS 2 SO DONT BE SHY GIRL.....

(when i say older--23 to 30 tops)....no musty shortys!!!

* Location: WORCESTER
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

the kids these days.

Carl Cheddarsmooth sent me a friend request on facebook, then proceeded to ask me for nudes. well done sir, well done

I wish I could take credit. I am not the Carl Cheddarsmooth facebook persona.

haha, even better, and more creepy

This is exactly how I picture Carl. Either this or Sleazy P. Martini. This should be the photo so it looks more legit.

wow, that's uncanny

http://worcester.craigslist.org/muc/2218658769.html

Synth keyboardist and bassist needed (shrewsbury/worcester)
Date: 2011-02-16, 8:43PM EST
Reply to: comm-x36ze-2218658769@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey guys my names Ian im in a band called Demons Silence I am the lead vocalist, we are a screamo/ melodic death metal band. We intend to sound like Parkway drive meets the devil wears prada and wish to have a keyboardist in the band. we are looking for a bassist as well who are in our area (same goes for the keyboardist) our influences are (in no particular order), Parkway drive, The devil wears prada, A day to remember, We came as romans, Bring me the horizon, This romantic tragedy, Avenged sevenfold, Suicide silence, Black veil brides, Heaven shall burn, My children my bride, a skylit drive, etc.
- parkway drive
-the devil wears prada
-a day to remember
-we came as romans
-bring me the horizon
-this romantic tragedy
-avenged sevenfold
-suicide silence
-black veil brides
-heaven shall burn
-my children my bride
-a skylit drive
We are a serious band that would like to achieve our dreams of being big and having fans cheering you on for doing wut you love best. So please, if you have any questions or comments or anything please send me a text and i will respond to you asap (have work sumtimes) 774 437 1164 again my names Ian thanks alot for looking =)


* Location: shrewsbury/worcester
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 2218658769

Smiley at the end for the kids to amuse themselves with while the grown-ups play their scary synthcore?

I'm the manager with the mostest
I clear the profits from the concert grosses
I make it snow up GWAR noses, so now they follow me like I'm Moses
I'm not a Jew but God has chose us
So now I'm sitting on the riches of Croesus
I'm Sleazy and I think you outta know this!
The girlies love me cause I wear the right clotheses
They see the bulges when I strike the right poses
Pull my pants down and you ask me can you blow this
I say yes if you want halitosis
I can't help my pork's got trigonosis
I been plookin' a shoney's hostess
I'm Sleazy and I think you outta know this!
Everybody rip everybody else off
Everybody rip everybody else off
Everybody rip everybody else off
Everybody rip, rip everybody off
Think you outta know this!
Their trying something that they hope you don't notice
A moral oligarchy that is bogus
You know you're there when your family is homeless
You'll be beat in the streets with hoses
The grays are waiting underground while they clone us
They got a deal with the Masons to dispose us
Toxic waste causes cancer by osmosis
H.I.V. is crawling up your hoses
I'm the man with the guts to expose this
And people follow me like I'm Moses
So before you think it's hopeless
I'll start a coup right under their noses
Now they know that they can't control us
So don't forget the man who broke this
I'm Sleazy and I think you outta know this!

This kid just ordered and im not on delivery duty FUCK

I managed to yell cheddarsmooth in the background while his order was being taken. Not effective enough.

This makes my prick so hard. I love these threads. Please obey my girth: the kids will have their say!!!