I DIDN'T HIRE A MAN NAMED SID VICIOUS AND NOT EXPECT A 30-YEAR BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP!

In theory, communism....in theory.

Marge: We drove around until 3am looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: We went fishing. (breaks down in tears)

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son

bort

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.

dad, did you notice anything strange about Mr. Burns?

yeah, his haircut is so queer.

this novelty foam hand is ludicrously oversized. go and swap it for a smaller one!

Where is Bart? His food is getting cold...and eaten

Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!

Ooh, that's bad.

But it comes with a free frogurt!

That's good!

The frogurt is also cursed.

That's bad.

But you get your choice of toppings!

That's good!

The toppings contain potassium benzoate.

.......

...That's bad.

This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the
Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for
highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came
and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was
being harassed, we do not know.

it's 11pm, do you know where your children are?

i told you last night, no!

after all, he is the one who sent me to that dank, urine-soaked hellhole..

uh we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole" when you could have said "pee-pee soaked heckhole".

Whore: after Chernobyl, my penis, is falling off
Moe: and penis is russian foooor??

I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.

Hitler: Eine minuten, eine minuten!

Hitler: Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!

Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.

Hitler: Ja, ja.

Operator! Give me Thailand! T..I..aaand so on.

I don't know what you were up to last night, Homer, but as a Christian I assume the worst!!

Phew! That was close. Now sit back and let the currents take us home.

What about the people on the bottom?

...They're the greatest heroes of all

DUFFMAN is just giving it to your wife!

Dyslexia..DUFFMAN's secret shame!

Homer: Hear ye, hear ye! Ye olde town crier proclaimed crappy by all! Chooseth Homer Simpson, and he shalt rock thy world!

Chief Wiggum: My God, he is fabulous!

Principal Skinner: He's embiggened that role with his cromulent performance.

you said if i slept with you i wouldn't have to touch the drunk.

DUFFMAN SAYS A LOT OF THINGS!

Dance like a happy prospector!

Happier!

HAPPIER....

Flanders: Jeepers H. Crackers. I'd better call the Reverend.

Mrs. Lovejoy: Heh heh, Ned Flanders is on the phone.

Lovejoy: Mmm...hello, Ned.

Ned: Reverend...emergency! I....it's the Simpson kids....eedily....I, uh, baptism....oodily....uh.....doodily doodily!

Reverend: Ned...have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same. Oh. Damn Flanders!

so we'll march day and night by the big cooling tower
they have the plant but we have the power

Moe: Oh yeah? What's your name?

Homer: Joey-joe-joe Shabbadoo?

Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard.

×strange man runs out crying×

Barney: hey! Joey-Joe-Joe!

Barney: And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: PITT THE ELDER!

Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!

Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!...heh...Pitt the Elder...

Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!

yep, theres your answer fishbulb

haha every time i see Elder on the MT thread this whole scene runs through my head.

Akira: Hai ... Hai ... Hai ... Bye.
Hi.
Homer: Akira, can you read this for me?

Akira: Ah, yes. This is a product called, "Mr. Sparkle." Very popular dish detergent. Hey, he looks like you. Ah! Ah - ha! Ah! Ah!

Lisa: What's he saying?

Akira: He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts.

Lisa: Wow.

Akira: Yes, you have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forests of Hokkaido, renowned for its countless soap factories.

Homer: Hokkaido, eh?

Lovejoy: Hmmm. I'm a shepherd without a flock. What have I done to lose them?

St. Eleutherius: The real question is: What have you done to keep them?

Lovejoy: St. Eleutherius of Nicomedia!

St. Eleutherius: That's my name, don't wear it out.

St. Bartholomew: To inspire men, you must be brave. I introduced Christianity to Mongolia. It didn't take, but it was worth a try.

St. Lucian: Tell us, good Reverend, what great deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men?

Lovejoy: Well, I had the vestibule recarpeted.

St. Donickus: I've appeared in over eight thousand visions, and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard.

Lovejoy: Oh, now please, I, I thought saints were supposed to be friendly.

St. Donickus: You ... you're just lucky God isn't here.

i soaked it in the toilet for a while to soften it up

everything tastes better in bar form

AYE AYE AYE! EL HOMER SIMPSON ME A MOSLESTADO!

Homer: I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

sweet can

the 100 best simpsons quotes.
1. Homer: D’oh.
2. Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
3. Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
4. Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
5. Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
6. Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
7. Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
8. Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
9. Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.
10. Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
11. Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
12. Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
13. Nelson: Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
14. Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
15. Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
16. Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
17. Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
18. Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
19. Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
20. Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
21. Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
22. Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
23. Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
24. Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
25. Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
26. Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
27. Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
28. Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.
29. Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
30. Smithers: Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.”
31. Hans Moleman: I was saying “Boo-urns.”
32. Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
33. Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
34. Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
35. Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
36. Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
37. Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
38. Duffman: Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!
39. Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
40. Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
41. Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
42. Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
43. Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
44. Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
45. Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
46. Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
47. Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
48. Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
49. Homer: You don’t win friends with salad.
50. Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
51. Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
52. Chief Wiggum: They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
53. Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
54. Homer: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!
55. Comic Book Guy: But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
56. Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
57. Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
58. Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
59. Homer: Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
60. Ralph: Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
61. Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
62. Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?
63. Apu: Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
64. Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
65. Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
66. Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
67. Milhouse: Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!
68. Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
69. Smithers: I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
70. Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
71. Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
72. Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
73. Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
74. Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
75. Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?
76. Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
77. Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
78. Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
79. Marge: Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!
80. Bill Gates: I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
81. Principal Skinner: Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
82. Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
83. Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
84. Comic Book Guy: Human contact: the final frontier.
85. Homer: I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
86. Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
87. Homer: I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
88. Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
89. Homer: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.
90. Comic Book Guy: Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
91. Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
92. Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
93. Milhouse: I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
94. Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
95. Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
96. Apu: Thank you, steal again.
97. Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
98. Ed Begley Jr.: I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
99. Bart: I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
100. Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
101. Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

"TWO BAD NEIGHBORS"

Whoever dubbed these the greatest simpsons quotes should be put to sleep.

ann landers is a boring old biddy.

Cameraman: Hold it Bob, we can see your wristwatch.

Bigfoot: Oh, damn it.

NED!

faux-Simpsons fans. the same type that quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail by saying "i'll bite your knees". there are some good ones on that list, but overall it fails.

Dune buggies, bikini girls, daredevil surfers. Normally this beach is swarming with them, but they've all been cleared out to make way for hours of painstaking sand preparation.

no offense Mr. Homer, but we're putting that bitch on ice!

don't do what donny don't does.

sir, your gargantuan cone is making a mockery of our self-serve policy!

Put it in H!

They call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing. Oh, there they go.

Are you tired of getting your hands cut off by snowblowers? And the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow?

We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways... One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heal for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry costs a nickel and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Give me five bees for a quarter" you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yes. The important thing was, that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects.

HEY KIDS! YOU MIGHT REMEMBER ME AS SARGENT FATSO JETSON IN FROM HERE TO ETERNITY!

Now that's a top 100.

McBain: Let's Get Silly

You don't win friends with salad

no...seriously

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article6941762.ece

Laughing time is over.

Don't be a message monster eating up all my tape!

you suck, mcbain.

Every part of my body is gettin a workout. Especially my big fat mouth!

you have 15 minutes to move your car mr. burns. you have 5 minutes to move your car. your car has been impounded. your car has been crushed into a cube.
you have 15 minutes to move your cube.

edit: the fingers used to dial are too fat. please try again. if you'd like to order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm.

MENDOOOOZAAAAA

Oh I'll stay away. Stay away FOREVER.

I have something to tell you. Something which may shock and discredit you. I'M NOT WEARING A TIE AT ALL.

All this work is making me thirsty. I think I'll have a tab. Oh, no time for that! Back to
work.

IM LIKE JESUS BUT NOT IN A SACRELIGOIUS WAY



HAHAHAHA i knew when i saw this thread earlier today it'd be classic

Lisa, am I wearing pants?

Somewhat off topic, but has anyone played the computer game Virtual Springfield?? Quality quotes in there too. Came out around 97.

Sir, are you wearing a garbage bag?

- I have misplaced my pants

He was wearing a paper bag. The groceries fell out.

Bake em away toys.

SHAKE HARDER BOY

Attention, Marge Simpson: your son has been arrested.

Attention, Marge Simpson: we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.

what'd ya say chief?

just do what the kid says.

Hark to the tale of Nelson,
And the boy he loved so dear...
They remained the best of friends,
For years and years and years.

Abe: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...

Martin: "Dickety"? Highly dubious!

Abe: What're you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!

Abe: Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet.

Mrs. Krabappel: "Terlet"? Hah!

Abe: Stop your snickerin'! I spent three years on that terlet!

TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP TRAB PU KCIP

Can I Borrow A Feeling. And it's got your picture on it.

Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: "Beer"?
Marge: Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C... O...
Bartender: B... E...

Goin to see the little bear in the car huh?

But football in the groin is football in the groin!!

DENTAL PLAN

LISA NEEDS BRACES

I was waiting for that.

"OK Marge, I'll take the LPs, you take the CDs, I'll take the typewriter, you take the computer, I'll take the Enron stock, you take the Microsoft stock..."

"What about cutiepuss?"

DENTAL PLAN

JURPFRADDARADDAERRA!
Homer slow down!
Jurp fradda radda erra.

Oh so topical. What brilliant social commentary. I guess nu simpsons doesn't suck after all.

Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me.

Ok Mr. Burns what's your first name?

I do not know.

talking out of turn...that's a paddling. looking out the window...that's a paddling. staring at my sandals...that's a paddling. paddling the school canoe...OH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT'S A PADDLING.

ALAN THE COWBOY.

Well for your information I'm Bart's father.

Bart's father the drunken gambler?

Yes, and who might you be?

*BAM*

Horst: We Germans aren't all smiles und sunshine.

Burns: Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!

Horst: Stop it!

Man: Stop, sir.

Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.

Man: Please stop the \'pretending you are scared' game, please.

Horst: Stop it! Stop it!

Burns: No! They're so big and strong!

Man: Stop it.

Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.

Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.

Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans...

Horst: Burns, STOP IT!

Moe: "Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and uh...i like to kiss my own butt."

Homer: Bart, please tell Lisa to pass me the syrup.

Lisa: Bart, tell dad I'll only pass him the syrup if he's not using it on any meat products.

Bart: You dippin' your sausage in the syrup homer?

Homer: Bart tell Lisa I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Homer, the crazy woman who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.

Homer: that's not the way SHE tells it.

Lisa: what are you feeling right now?, what's inside you?

Nelson: Guts, and black stuff...and about 50 slim jims

Rex Banner: Alright rummy, where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerkin' suds on the side?

"I've Learned That Life Is One Crushing Defeat After Another Until You Just Wish Flanders Was Dead."

Moe: Are we done here? Cuz I have a hot date tonight

polygraph: (beep

Moe: A date

polygraph: (beep!)

Moe: Dinner with a friend

polygraph: (beep!)

Moe: Dinner alone

polygraph: (beep!)

Moe: Alright Alright! I'm gonna go home and ogle the women in the victoria's secret catalouge

polygraph: (beep!)

Moe: Sears Catalog

polygraph: (DING!)

Moe: Now will you unhook this thing?!?!? I don't deserve this kind of treatment.

polygraph: (beep!)

Tramapoline! Trampopoline!

Homer: trying is the first step towards failure

Homer: HEY BART DID I SHOW YOU MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?

Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!

Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?

Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Homer! Watch your mouth!

Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.

We are not weiners!

Then what are you dressed like that for?

They made us.

"Oh, they made us." That's loser-talk! You gotta start acting more like me and my team, the future champions of the world. Nothing's going to stop us now!

STOP EVERYTHING

Lunch Lady Doris: More testicles means more iron!

"Armand Tamzarian's reign of terror is over"

Amish Guy: 'Tis a fine barn, but 'tis no pool, English.

Homer: D'oh-eth

Otto: Oh no, another acid trip, I'm glad I'm not driving the bus right now

Otto: Alchol increases your ability to drive....FALSE??? Aw man, I am so not ready for this test

reading this thread is like watching 20 different simpson episodes at once.

Homer: The only thing I'm using this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort

Ralph: Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent.

Miss Hoover: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?

Ralph: he was going to the bathroom.

Nachos Flanders style! That's cucumbers with cottage cheese!

Ralph: Mrs. Hoover, my worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one.

Mrs. Hoover: No Ralph, just put your head down on your desk and take a nap.

Ralph: Yay! Sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

Grimes: God, he eats like a pig.

Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.

Grimes: Well, some kind of farm animal anyway. And earlier today, I saw him asleep inside a radiation suit. Can you imagine that? he, he was hanging from a coat hook!

Lenny: He had three beers at lunch. That would make anybody sleepy.

Grimey: I've never seen him do any work around here ... what, what is his job?

Lenny: Safety inspector.

Grimes: That irresponsible oaf? A man who by all rights should have been killed dozens of times by now?

Lenny: Three hundred and sixteen times by my count.

Grimes: That's the man who's in charge of our safety. It, it boggles the mind.

Carl: It's best not to think about it.

Homer: Vegetarian? so no more pork chops?

Lisa: No

Homer: No more ham?

Lisa: No

Homer: No more bacon?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Haha, yeah, sure Lisa, one magical animal

But you love shake and bake! You used to put it in your coffee!

That's not a kife...THIS is a knife

That's a spoon.

Alright, you win this round...I can see you've played knifey spooney before

Hank Scorpio: Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!.......Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe?

Homer: Yes, once

Hank Scorpio: If you want to kill anyone on your way out, it would help me out a lot.

Commercial: Warning: Tickets not to be taken internally.

Homer: See? because of me, now they have a warning.

I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpanzee

I wash myself with a rag on a stick

One of my favs.

Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'Oh!" he says *flips pages on the script*.... "D'oh!"

Hey Homer, why don't ya nibble her elbow? That always gets her motor runnin.

Discus Stu has uzo for two-zo.

When I grow up I'm going to bovine university!

Iron helps us play!

You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!

Oh, I never heard of those people.

And they'll all be signing autographs!

Woo-hoo!

Homer Simpson: Awww ... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer Simpson: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!

Mr. Simpson, a Twizzler is not a sprinkle.. A Mounds is not a sprinkle.. A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle..

I just realized there's now a band called cromulent.

so i says; "yeah? you want that money? come and find it! 'cause I don't know where it is, ya baloney! You... make me... wanna... wretch..."

So I says to Mabel I says...

bennyhillifier

Fatty fat fat fat

Dying tickles.

Why you're the fattest thing i've seen. And i've been on Safari

Mr. Black: Genltemen, to evil.

I'm Dick Tracy! Take that Prune Face!

Now I'm Prune Face! Take that Dick Tracy!

Now I'm Prune Tracy! Take that Dick....HEY! STOP THAT AT ONCE!

Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel!

no wait, i find him informative and witty. 'night.

Maaaaarge, I was watching womens volleyball on espn2...

So I said listen buddy, your car was flipped over when we got here. And as for your grandmother maybe she shouldn't have mouthed off like that.

Stand down children!

(and in the same episode)...

Diddy-mow!!

H: All work and no play make Homer something, something....

M: Go Crazy?

H: Don't mind if I DOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you like them there's a pair upstairs in your closet for you. If you don't like them then neither do I! See ya in hell! Ever said goodbye to a pair of shoes?

Well... once.

see you at work! though i don't like to call it work!

Kirk: You're letting me go?

Cracker Factory guy: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long, good luck?"

Cracker Factory guy: I don't recall saying "good luck."

Everything..going dark...like DUFF STOUT, the beer that made Ireland famous!

They didn't start chasing us til you put on that getaway music!

duh, i'm the captain. my son is bart.

WHAT PART OF DIDDYMOW DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Name the scenario:

WITHOUT looking at the url.

I just know it's the Tomacco episode.

now i clicked on the picture, I'm wrong?

way off.

Fuck my life, I just ruined Christmas.

I remember a "wait did I say that or think that"

Dave gets partial credit.

I'm stuck at work until 1 today. I wonder how much Simpsons stuff I can get accomplished.

Still curious to know what other Simpsons episode has gigantic tomatoes.

Lisa creates that giant tomato for the science far, and Bart smashes it. Then Lisa buys a hamster (this one writes mystery novels under the name "H.G. McGregor") and sets out to prove that the hamster is smarter than Bart.

You just gave me the greatest gift of this holiday season.

is it the one with duffs brewery - doesn't homer sneak through the bowels of the nuke plant with a map - sees the big spider and has to defeat it with a bible verse. He only gets as far as "thou shalt not........." he can't thin of anything an throws a rock.

to defeat the spiders curse you must say a bible verse


or am i mixing wpisodes

"AWWW MY DEMO TAPE!"

GIVE EM THE BREATHALYZER!!

what are everyone's favorite seasons?

I'm aiming to purchase 8 and 9 so far.

We are under attack by Commie Nazis.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:o2tBaqg...u153/mistersite/commienazis.jpg&t=1

My name is Otto and I like to get blotto

Hey there Blimpy Boy, flyin through the sky so...fancy.... free

*uncontrollable sobbing*

UP AND AT ZEM!

You won't be able to watch any of those prison movies where you're going to. Prison.

Needs more newt eye.

Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes!!!

knife goes in guts come out that's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about.

Bart: Damn the torpedoes!
Grampa: What he say? Put on our tuxedos?
Old Guy: I want some taquitos.

There's very little meat in these gym mats

what'd you get that for?

for knocking Mr. Burns out of a 3rd story window.

makes sense to me.

did he die?

what am i, a doctor?

Student: "My ding-a-ling. My ding-a-ling. I want you to play with my ding-a-ling..."

Skinner: "This act is over! Let's all enjoy Lisa Simpson's rendition of Stormy Leather, uh, Weather."

Apu: "Yes, we need someone for the demanding yet high-profile midnight to 8am shift."
Homer: "I'm your man!"
Apu: "You're hired. Oh, how I dreamed the day would come when one of you would be working for me."

Ooooh, he card read good.

Lisa: You're serving us gruel?

Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand imitation gruel. nine out of 10 orphans can't tell the difference.

now i must tell you kids that Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.

Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown. I'm leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business.

and also

Krusty's accountant: You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?

Krusty: I thought the Generals were due.

Katange: This is the oldest human fossil ever found. It's over 2 million years old.
Homer: Pff, I've got more bones than that guy, if you're trying to impress me you've failed!
Katange: It's not the number of bones, sir it's the..
Homer: You.. have.. failed!

Outta my way, jerkass!

Sideshow Bob has no decency. he called me Chief Piggum!

Even thought new Simpsons sucks cock.

Homer: Marge, I'm gonna need 10,000 veggie burritos

Otto Man: No guac in mine.

TASTES LIKE.....BURNING

ZEPPELIN RULES!!!!

Why do I have three kids and no money? Why can't I have NO kids and THREE money?

Homer: You got me out of work for this! Bless you! (Hugs and kisses mother of another child)

Woman: Mr. Simpson, I'm a LAWYER, and my husband is a district attorney, and we are NOT happy.

Homer: Maybe you need to find easier jobs...?

To professionalism!

Which popular Simpsons characters died in the year? If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr.Marvin Monroe, you are wrong. They were never popular.

"I only know half of what I'm saying but I mean everyword of it" Homer

Some(most) of you have awful taste in Simpsons.

Homer: You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. I told you my baby beat me up. Oh it's not the worst excuse I ever thought up.

Señor BUUUURNS...el Diablo con Dinero!

Welcome home, Son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?

Never mind, you wouldn't understand.

Flu?

No.

Protein deficiency?

No.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

No.

Unsatisfying sex life?

N....yes! But please, don't you say that word!

What, seeeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeex.