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returntothepit >> discuss >> EPIC COPYPASTA LODE FOUND UNDER BOSTON by BobNOMAAMRooney nli on Apr 3,2008 9:58pm
Add To All Your Pages!
toggletoggle post by BobNOMAAMRooney nli at Apr 3,2008 9:58pm
SOUP /r/, this is the culmination of my journalism degree

http://media.www.suffolkjournal.net/media/...ews/Fuck-Yeah.Seaking-3297879.shtml

Fighting continued in the beleaguered chans as anonymous /b/tards continued to oppose the Internet Haet Machine's decision to grant much maligned television nerd Milhouse van Houten meme status. Skirmishes began last Thursday, as long time residents of /b/ took to the streets carrying signs assailing Newfags and chanting slogans against, "the cancer that is killing." Protesters clashed with the Newfag backed police force on 7chan Avenue and Fark Circle in the Green Zone before retreating to their stronghold on /b/. Newfag police arrested 85 protestors, about half of whom were transported via WAAAAAHmbulance to local medical centers
Tensions escalated over the weekend as Newfag forces suffered heavy losses against the battle-ready 4chan party van believed to be piloted by known terrorist Pedobear. Crushing the previously impenetrable wall made out of diamond the v-tech powered Party Van mowed down the overmatched 420chan reservists and proceeded to do donuts on the dying and dead bringing the death toll to well over 9000. Burying his face in his palm Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Newfag Defense Force contemplated chargin' his lazor should the party van's attacks continue, "Obviously we don't want to shoop da' whoop but the /b/tards leave us no choice." Rumors that the NDF was prepared to unleash Longcat in addition to lazors fueled rampant speculation that UN intervention was imminent.
Speaking under anonymity a high ranking /b/tard proclaimed that should the Internet Haet Machine deploy their lazor it would be a literal "boarding pass for the failboat" in the international community. Other high ranking /b/tards announced that they would respond swiftly and decisively with a Tacgnol counterattack against any Longcat deployment. Responding to the escalating war of words and actual weapons the UN Security Council released a 394 page statement Monday condemning the chargin' or firin' of lazors, focusing on sanctions for "Shoop da' whooping on innocent civilians." The UN document also spoke harshly against the use of Longcat and Tacgnol weapons systems.
Yet in the streets of /b/, blame for Milhouse's meme-hood among /b/tards was divided. Though many toed the party line of blaming the Internet Haet Machine itself many expressed disgust with Newfags and their epic failures with Tay Zonday's "Chocolate Rain" and Seaking. Anon's Against War have released a statement condemning /b/'s actions' with a ten point plan for peacefully resolving the Newfag impasse. However, several points contradicted the mission statement by noting that the people bitching about Newfags were in fact crypto-Newfags trying desperately to fit into /b/ society. Despite confusing rhetoric in the release two things were clear, Milhouse is not a meme (although "Milhouse is not a meme" is a meme) and the phony anonymous' "IRL actions" against the church of Scientology constituted "an act of epic failure due to its widespread acceptance of Newfags."
Currently held in an undisclosed location the blue haired little boy at the center of this firestorm remained optimistic about the eruption of violence over his meme-hood. Milhouse dreamed of a day when he could, "join great figures such as Brian Peppers and Mudkip aboard the Party Van and in the hearts of all /b/tards." Despite accusations of epic fail van Houten remains confident that all channers will soon recognize him as a loveable meme, noting that, "my mom thinks I'm cool." Still, van Houten's mother, taking the advice of several security experts has purchased a dog and is considering doing a barrel roll. Raptor Jesus was not available for comment.



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