Guidelines For Bands (Work in progress)
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Over the years I've learned many lessons that have shaped my philosophies and guidelines on what band's should expect if they want to make it big...
If you want to just be a garage band, that's cool. You'll probably find this list offensive but what do you care. It doesn't apply to you.
1. Forget when everyone else told you will make your band big. If it really worked, everyone would be a famous rock star.
2. Never Pay-to-play. (If there's money going anywhere, it must be your way. After all, you're doing the work.)
3. Fame isn't earned, it's bought with cold hard cash.
4. Promotion tells 10 people about you. Advertisement tells 10,000. (Paying $400 for an eight foot picture of you, for one month, in the mall's food court gets more people than four people you pay $100 each to flyer telephone polls and send out spam.)
5. It's the promoter's job to promote and sell tickets, not yours. (Some promoters out there are lazy and make the bands do their job. But if you want to do it to help out the show, go ahead.)
6. Today's overnight success is tomorrow's one-hit wonder. (see 3)
7. Required ticket selling is pay-to-play. (see 2 and 5)
8. The only thing that separates your band from bands like Metallica is money. (see 3)
9. Reality Show? HELL NO! (Remember the winner of the Battle For Ozzfest contest? No one else does either. See 6)
10. You can't be friends with your fans. When you do they are no longer fans. (Let's say you take some fans back to your garage and spend the night partying with them. Come the next show you'll hear "What do you mean I have to pay to get in, I thought we were friends.")
11. In the old days, a fan's attention went to about 2-3 bands. Thanks to the internet, a fan's attention goes to15-20. (What's this mean? Bands are not as special as they were in the 70s.)
12. You are the industries biggest competitor. (Their systems are designed to keep you from going anywhere. They pay not only to keep their bands to be in the spot light, but yours in the garage.)
13. Bars are like leper colonies. (You want to avoid them as much as possible but sometimes you accidentally find yourself playing one. The usually crowd member cares more about their next drink than your next song.)
14. If you're a nobody, they'll make sure everyone knows it. (You'll often see the words "Unsigned" and "Local" put next to your name by those in business. see 12)
15. "Paid By The Drink." (Translation-"No one will be sober enough to remember there was even a band." See 13)
16. No one truly wins a "Battle Of The Bands". (Think of your favorite major band. When was the last time you saw them do one? See 13)
17. Never mail your retail-ready disc to a radio station. Mail a pizza instead. Hey, it worked for Bon Jovi. (You'll just be saving them a trip to CD store where they will sell it pay for their lunch.)
18. When was the last time a member from your favorite major band stopped you in the street and tried to sell you a ticket to their show? (see 5)
19. If you have no recording, your band doesn't really exist.
20. Soundscan. Google it. Learn about it and make damn sure you have it.
21. You are the industry's new consumer, not the fans. (There are a million businesses out there, all claiming to give you tons of promotion and help you get the big break... for a small fee. see 1 and 4.)
22. You don't gain a following from playing out. You play out because you have a following. (It used to be true in the 70's but not today. See 11. I devised this one when Slipknot sold out our civic center without having a CD in stores or a song on the radio.)
23. Mom, Dad. Buying our merch is a nice gesture, but is counter-productive. (It's just tacky to sell anything to your family. It's not too different from selling it to your self. Just give them the damn shirt. If they want a CD, burn them a copy.)
24. Those who preach that "caring what your fans think" is a form of selling out, don't have any. (Metallica didn't care what their fans thought and look what happened.)
25. When choosing your band's name. Pick something that's easy to remember… and spell. (see 15)
26. "Open Mic Night" Translation-One step down from Bar. (See 13)