I wanted to discuss my Universal Theory of the Customer Service Representative, so I decided to make a post regarding this theory.



Since the invention of the telephone, there has been a massive demand for the "customer service representative." Call centers were openened and thousands of previously unemployed black women rose to the challenge. Companies far and wide soon came to find that these black women were perfect for the job! These women were perfect for keeping the client confused and ready to commit suicide at any moment.

A 2007 study by none other than myself found that 99.8% of all customer service reps. had names like Shiwan, LaShawnna, Tiwanna, and Laticia (pronounced la-teesh-a)

In the second half of the same study, I found that these CSR's were completely useless in effectively solving any client problem, but were FANTASTIC at re-routing your call to another CSR who was equally fantastic at doing the same thing.

Which leads to my Universal Theory of Customer Service Representatives:

My theory states that there was such a demand for these highly qualified black women that the communities just could no longer support this demand.

However, there seems to be no shortage of these CSR's, as every credit card company, car company, telephone company all seem to have an ample supply.

I travelled the country in search of an answer. What I found left me horrified beyond words.

Midwestern farmers had begun planting negro seeds, and cultivating these women! They were growing them in record numbers. Their names are not individual names, but all of them assimilate the name of the farm on which they were grown. I have taken pictures of the Shiwan ranch in Hatsfield, OK. I have seen the satellite imagery of the Leticia Springs Farm in Plainsville, AK. I have exciting live footage of the LaDawn "Soybean" farm in West Lake, Texas.

If any of you have any photos or footage...please share them! We cannot let this theory go unproven!!!

This is precisely why I quit my customer service job(well one of the many reasons). I did it for 4 years just cause I couldnt seem to find anything better paying and throughout the duration I was surrounded by hoards of pregnant angry black women... I will never ever go back to that.

... Also, I tried very hard to actually solve peoples problems but after dealing with one asshole after the next continuously and irrationally bitching about nonsensical bullshit I decided it just wasnt worth it.

hahahaha awesome.


Hoser said:

haha

they're also really good at telling you brilliant things like your modem isn't powering up because your network cable is broken.

hahahaha nice.
Speaking of CSR's (aka cocksuckers), I spent 2 hours on the phone
yesterday for the FIFTH time with either Circuit City or Sony.

I have been trying to get my TV fixed since JANUARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I paid 900 FUCKING dollars for the 4 year extended warranty.

The guy at Sony actually said this to me last night, after explaining calmly, my situation and rapidly losing patience with him:

'So, sir, what would you like me to do?'

Me:

"Ok, I want you to send a man here that knows how to fix televisions.

Tell this man that he will need a truck, because I have a big tv.

Then the man will take my tv, and bring it to his workshop, and he will fix the tv.

Then when he is done, I need him to BRING BACK the television to the same place he came and got it from.

Then thats all I need from you."


He sat silently for about 3 seconds and then quipped,
"I can give you a list of repair technicians in your area......"

I about lost my fucking mind.

I was putting my shoes on to go to CC in person and ruin some poor managers night, when my wife hands me the phone with a very helpful guy that ended up setting me up the right way....


But....this is REALLY what happened

1st rep= Indian male from India, could barely understand him.
2nd rep= White female from US courteous but no help.
3rd rep= Black female from US, also courteous but no help.
4th rep= Black male from US, absolute fucking schmuck, no help.
5th rep= White male from US, fixed everything, courteous, and understanding of my angst. Even mentioned that I would never have this problem again.
The tv is being fixed weds.

I'm beginning to feel not so alone now....

It seems like the amount of attempts you made both equal the number five.... maybe there is a connection?!!

I will never buy any TVs or electronics from Sony ever again. Their warrantee and repair shit is fucking atrocious.

xmikex said:

yep, they had me troubleshoot my tv by unplugging it.

"Now plug it back in.....did that help?"

.....it didnt.

Another thing is this voice recog software. What a joke.
It asks for my address, I say FUCK YOU, it says, I heard G H K U 2, is this correct?

hahahaha

Try doing customer service for Toys R Us during the christmas season.

worst...job....ever.

menstrual_sweatpants_disco said:

100% correct, which is why I bought the CC ext warr.
Almost all of my elec shit is sony, and usually their products hold up, but their Cust Service is horrendous.

FuckIsMySignature said:

FUCK THAT!
I can imagine the amount of broken Chinese toys on dec 26th.

powerkok said:


Y'know, I'm probably one of the most racist people on this board. However, for you to assume you can tell what color someone is by dialect and name alone is assumptive and foolish. For all you know, that "white male" could have been as dark as coal, and that "black female from US" could have been some white trash shitbag from carolina. You really have no way of knowing.

I had issues with best buy at home service warranty years ago. They outsource most of their phone support out of the country to india or iraq or some shit. I finally got an at-home tech to call me, and he was pretty helpful, and spoke clear english. I said something like "thank god! an american! You guys should hire more!" The guy even agreed with me. Then he showed up at my house, and it turns out "mike" is just as indian as the rest, just without the accent. He even started rattling off in another language when he called into headquarters.

The thing with stereotypes is that there is some truth there, which is why they exists, but there are also always abundant exceptions.

ArrowHead NLI said:

Please dont get me wrong. I really didnt mean it in a racist way.
You are absolutely correct about dialect, and I agree I could be wrong, however, I am seasoned in this field.
I have lived along the entire east coast and have a great ear. Id put money on each and every rep I described as being racially correct.

powerkok said:

and you ended up in NH. For some reason, I agree with that.

I love NH, but I will be leaving it in less than 1 month for Cape Coral Fl.

shit, how come?

Moving for a job oppurtunity, and super cheap housing.
http://www.returntothepit.com/view.php?formid=39693

I have one on the phone now.