I had a serious case of the farts this morning! Enough to feel the need to post a thread about it. It started when I woke up. I got out of bed and let a nasty one rip that scared my cat but I didnt really feel like I needed to shit so I didnt act on it. Then on my way to work my ass starts squeekin out these little SBD's that make my fuckin eyes water.
When I finally got to work things seemed to have calmed down a bit. I grabbed some breakfast, sat down at my desk and started working. Then little by little more and more ass burps started wheezin their way out of my butthole. I had alot of work to do at my desk so I really didnt care because nobody would be able to smell it unless they carelessly wandered into my cubicle. I figured there couldnt be much more in there. Im not a big guy, how much gas could a body my size possibly hold anyways? Apparently alot. It came to the point where I could no longer control the volume level of my bowels. They started making quite a bit of noise and there wasnt much I was able to do about it. I finally decided that action must be taken in order to stifle my angry ass. I figured that even though I didnt necessarilly feel like I needed to shit that there must be something up there making this happen otherwise Ive got bigger problems to worry about. So I went on what seemed to be the longest trip to the bathroom Ive ever taken.
I realized as soon as I stood up that I did indeed need to take a monstrous dump. My ass apparently realized where I was going and felt the need to encourage my new-found ambition by farting rather loudly as I walked past everyones cubicle to the bathroom. So in my attempt to protect my fellow workers from the nastiest farts to ever come out of me, I instead showered them with a cloud of methane in a fashion not unlike the nazis in WWII.
I just got back and I feel much better now but we'll see what happens after lunch.

HAHA -- what the hell did you eat/drink last night.

That sucks, but it happens to me too, and I work in a mexican restaraunt.

dude....hahahahahahha

I ate a large dominos pepperoni pizza, some cheesy bread, and some hot wings last night.

the worst is when you fart into your seat and then it slowly seeps out each time you move.

that was the most entertaining story i've read in a while.

i think i may be the only person alive who doesn't fart...jesus slaves can back me up on this one

Hahahaha
Eww

Christraper said:

it's the dominos.

Christraper said:

No fucking wonder! If I ate that shit for dinner I would need to be hospitalized.

that was fucking hysterical. i also work in a cubicle around people i could care less about. so when i suffer a rancid case of the farts, i also enjoy sharing my essence with the unsuspecting olfactory nerves around me. if you want to deliberately trigger a case of the farts like that, eat like 3/4 of a box of Frosted Mini-Wheats. it will feel like armageddon in your colon.

another classic for the christraper archives

fiber does the trick every time

I just ate mac n cheese, orange soda, and a 3 musketeers bar. I can feel it doing its magic already.

since we are talking about farts, i was just taking a dump in the bathroom at my work, and something happened that is a fairly common occurence. when someone sits to shit and they are embarrassed to fart alot, so they squeeze them out little by little and they echo off of the porcelain. that is also extremely hilarious.

jesus.

Jesus_Slaves said:
Yea dude. Overhearing someone elses moment on the John is always a treasure. You can totally hear the strain to keep it quiet but it never works.